Miles for Meg ‪

I ran for megshoes gloveI didn’t know you Meg, but it is obvious from what I have read that you were a special person, an amazing mother, and a wonderful wife.  You loved the Lord so I know you are in perfect peace now and running the streets of gold.  But I also know that those who loved you are left here wondering if the pieces of their broken heart will ever be whole again.  I’m not a runner anymore.  I used to be. It was running that got me through the darkest times of my life.  It was on a run that this silly little blog was born. It was my antidepressant and sanity.  And the pain of running was always  worth the rare, but rewarding runners high. I’m pretty sure those are some of the same  reasons you loved to run too. I ran until my hip had a come to Jesus meeting with me and said, “Hey lady, I’m out of cartilage here. Stop running if you want to dance at your sons wedding.”  So today I woke up from a nap and  scrolled down FB. I saw all the wonderful posts about you and that today was run for Meg day.  I was instantly overwhelmed and humbled by the thought that 2 years ago I was spared when I was hit by a drunk driver while riding my bike.  Through my tears, I thought, get out from under your cozy blanket and go run for Meg.  I thought, get up and run because you can and she can’t. I heard my sons’ cynicism saying, “Whats with all the races for charity.  Why do I have to run 5 miles…can’t I just give my money and stay on the couch.” And I confess for a brief moment I thought, can’t I just  stay right here in the  comfort of my own home and pray for her husband and children, and for all of those who loved her and are suffocating with grief. Then I remembered what I tried to tell my boy before he put his headphones back in, “It’s more about what happens to the person running through the process than the money or the event, jerk face”.  So I dug out my old running gear minus one long-lost glove and headed out the door to run for you and to allow myself to be changed by the process.

 I will never understand why there is so much pain on this earth.  Why such tragedies have to happen to those who least deserve it. It makes no sense that your precious children will forever have to feel your absence and why, like the most painful stitch that won’t go away and screams at you to quit, your husband will have to wake up everyday with an ache and an emptiness in his heart. Meg, that is who I thought about on my  run; your beautiful children and your grieving husband, and all of those whose life is forever changed because of this tragedy.  And how, like the sport that you loved so much demands, they are going to have to endure without you.

When the numbness wears off, and the reality of your husbands new life sets in, he will have to dig deep and find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  He will have so many 20th mile of a marathon days. Days when he tells himself, I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this, this hurts, this sucks, let me just sit down here on this curb and put my head in my hands. But  like the endurance runner your were, he will somehow keep moving forward. When my hip began to hurt during my run, I thought of your children who one day, like Jacob, will have to wrestle with God about His will and His ways. They may come away with a limp too, but somehow I pray they will be OK.  I stumbled across this commentary about Jacob wrestling with God.
               “What we learn from this remarkable incident in the life of Jacob is that our lives were never meant to be easy.  But, despite our trials and                                           tribulations, our strivings in this life are never devoid of God’s presence, and His blessings inevitably follows the struggle, which can sometimes                              be messy and chaotic”.  – S. Michael Houdmann
                                                                  
So on my run I prayed  that your children and husband will one day experience the blessings that come from this pain and the struggle. But for now, I know they just want their mom. And your husband just wants his best friend to walk back in the door sweaty and refreshed from her run. And I know the rest of your family just wants their daughter and sister back. When I started my run, I bent down to tie my shoe.  I noticed all of the cracks in the pavement.  Some had been repaired, others in need of tar. And  I remembered this that I had seen earlier in the day
reposted from Momastery.com

reposted from Momastery.com

I know grief takes time.  So much time. But I pray that one day, somehow, this becomes true for your family and friends.  I’m confident you are whole now and without crack or blemish and in the presence of the Lord. I can’t imagine what it must be like to join that great cloud of witnesses. So while  those who knew and loved you try to keep running the race set before them, I pray they take some comfort in knowing they have someone cheering just for them.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us   Hebrews 12:1

 

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About splitpease

I am a mom of three teenage boys who used to be a teacher, who became a personal trainer, who had to sell my share of a personal training studio, who had to take a job running a swim and racquet club, who hopes to one day be able to do what I love and still keep a roof over my head.
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One Response to Miles for Meg ‪

  1. Don Taylor says:

    Wow! Beautifully written…put my self in Me g’s husband’s place and your writing made me feel just an ounce of what he must be feeling and I really felt a stb. And your image of the gold filled bowl really put into perspective my light trials that I get so upset about. I will pray for Me g’s family today as well. What a gift this piece is to her!

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