First it was the request from Carter for Legos. Next, Cameron asked where the old hot wheels tracks were. (same place all the old Legos were…at the home where age appropriate children could play with them.) Today I woke up to a tweet from my college boy about how he had been playing Star Wars Pod racer on a Nintendo 64. The other day I even found remnants of teenage comfort food in my 17 year old’s room … scrunched Capri Sun bags along with scattered packages of fruit snacks and goldfish. I may not be the smartest mom on the planet, but it seems to me that my teenagers are trying to recapture their youth. I can’t blame them. Their childhood was a lot better than what they are dealing with now. Just the other day I had a moment with my favorite 3 year old and his dress up box. It brought me back instantly to the simple days of Spider Man and Clifford costumes; and I, too, wanted to go back to those days. Back to the days before hot flashes and joint pain. Back to the days when the biggest problem of the day was that Carter wouldn’t wear socks, Cameron wouldn’t take off his baseball mitt (now I can’t get him to put one on), and Tyler only had 350 AR points when he desperately wanted to have 400. Those days were way easier than calculus, girlfriend struggles, and what am I going to do with my life issues. And way, way easier than dealing with divorce, and an alcoholic dad. So what is it that makes us long for the past? Did the Israelites, years after leaving the desert, look back on Manna as comfort food? We long for the days when the stress of today is buried in a memory of playing Legos and drinking Capri Sun. Was it really easier back then? I guess it is just what we choose to focus on. It seems The positive comes into frame as the negative fades into the background. The real question is how can I enjoy the moment I am in now? That same favorite 3 year old reminds me of that every time I see him and his siblings’ smiling faces. Why didn’t I enjoy my kids’ little moments like I do his? I got such joy from chatting with him the other day and video taping him showing me his gymnastic skills.
I believe if that was my child, I would have yelled at him for doing somersaults on the couch instead of pulling out the video camera. It was a reminder to live in the moment. Focus on the now. Not wish away the season I am in, even as my house of adolescence and menopausal hormones are colliding. So thanks sweet Harley for reminding me to live in the moment and enjoy what today brings.
Ten years from now, I hope my boys and I have some sweet memories to recapture, and the stress and anxiety of today is a distant memory. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure the comfort food we long for will be Wendy’s dollar menu instead of a cupcake from sweet Harley!
“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”
― Maya Angelou
Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering”
― Ida Scott Taylor
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.