Things I hate….



I have a confession to make.  I hate Christian radio. I try to listen to it, I really do. But every time I turn to the station, I feel like they are playing the same songs I used to run to with my walkman 30 years ago. I know I am a horrible person. Sorry.  But yesterday I was driving back to work, and I was desperate for something.  My heart was in pieces after two of my friends had lost their children to suicide this past week, and my fears  for my own son who is struggling were heightened. I pleaded, come on God give me something… This was just what I needed to hear.

I hate mental illness. I hate how it robs a person of their God given gifts and talents.  I hate how it steals joy and peace. I hate how it abducts their personality.  I hate how it compels people to do things that are destructive to themselves and those around them. I hate it because it is scary.  Most of all, I hate it because it lies and tells beautiful, precious people that their life is not worth living…I hope this is what you needed to hear.

I hate when I can’t fix it. I hate when I can’t help.  I hate when I can’t make everything right. I hate when I can’t take away my child’s pain and my friend’s heartache.  I hate it that God can, and yet sometimes doesn’t…I hope this comforts you like it did me.


About splitpease

I am a mom of three teenage boys who used to be a teacher, who became a personal trainer, who had to sell my share of a personal training studio, who had to take a job running a swim and racquet club, who hopes to one day be able to do what I love and still keep a roof over my head.
This entry was posted in Life's challenges, mental illness, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Things I hate….

  1. Dave Patchin says:

    So….so….sooooo true. This broken world leaves so many people tangled up and twisted. It just hurts. There will be a day…but in the meantime the only human thing is to hurt with the hurting and rejoice with the rejoicing. Keep believing.

    • Suzi, I’m so glad and grateful God spoke to you through this music. They are powerful words based on Biblical promises. These past couple of weeks have wreaked havoc in our community because of these tragic losses and have been brutal reminders to those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. I have been a part of the ministry Moms In Prayer, International for about 15 years, and I have prayed over a lot of tragedy involving our children. I don’t mean to sound trite, but one important lesson I have learned is that we are not in control. Relinquishing and surrendering to the One who does have control offers some peace, hope and encouragement. Standing shoulder to shoulder with other moms who share and help carry each others burdens through prayer and faith gives us strength to look forward to tomorrow and the answered prayers we know will come in God’s perfect time. I hold tight to the promise that God has plans to prosper our children and not harm them. I so wish these kids had an intimate relationship with God, that they really knew Him, that they realized the deep, longing love He has for each one of them. That being said, mental illness can twist things so far from what God intends, we do feel hopeless. I don’t know what the answer is. All I can do is believe, trust, pray and hope.

  2. Pat Storminger says:

    Yes, Susie we don’t like to see our friends let alone our own suffer. We were just talking about this last night in our bible study, Missing Pieces by Jennifer Rothschild. Sometimes we do wonder if God is listening or cares for that matter. But as we know nothing happens that our God in heaven doesn’t know about. We at times just have to “TRUST” Him with our concerns, our hurts and loved ones. He knows our thoughts so just express them to Him and be willing to accept that we may not know the “why” of our experiences on this earth but all to be revealed when we see Him in heaven. Not easy for sure, but doable with the Lord’s help. It is a daily walk to the cross girl. Love to you!

  3. Marybeth says:

    I love that God answered your prayer in such a poignant way….the song appears to be His way of telling you He understands everything you are feeling! Thanks for sharing and being so honest!

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