50 Shades of Depressing…

night standI get it, I am not the first person to turn fifty. Get over it. But, I am not going to lie, I did not handle it well.  My mind and emotions immediately went to the negative.  I’m old.  I’m divorced.  I’m struggling to raise three boys to men alone. I’m at my heaviest weight. I’m working a job that is not utilizing my gifts and talents (if I can even remember what they were or still have them). I’m  tired. Blah. Blah.  Blah. I woke up the other morning and realized my night stand looks like something you  would find in a nursing home; covered with every pain reliever, sleep aide, and wrinkle cream known to man. ( Oh yea, and don’t forget the very sexy mouth guard) My bedside  reading selection is less 50 Shades of Grey and more 50 Shades of How to Hide the Gray. Where once I would indulge in a nice Jodi Picoult  or Janet Evanovich novel, now I am perusing “How to Survive the Change” books.

It’s depressing. I used to shop for stylish belts that you could see when I tucked in my shirts, now I am on a scarf buying spree; the longer the better to cover both the neck, that overnight turned into my mother’s, and my every increasing belly. I was never so thankful to discover that sheer, flow-e tops are now in style..nothing clingy to any body part for this girl. Then I realized I was being ridiculous. So I gave myself a pep talk. (Which I find is a daily occurrence raising boys alone.)  I can’t even ask anyone for advice on  which shoes  I should wear with an outfit.  The one time I did, the answer was “who cares neither one is really going to make a difference.” Lesson Learned.   Anyway, I was really proud of myself and my pep talk.  I reminded myself how much I have to be thankful for: how far the boys and I have come after the divorce, how I may not be in the shape I am used to being in, but I am healthy. (if you don’t count my hip, my possible auto immune disease, my shoulder…well I am mostly healthy, nothing too critical.)  how my boys are all doing well, how  I have a great family and wonderful  friends,  how I may not have my dream job anymore, but I have been able to provide for the boys, and keep a roof over our heads. I felt so much better after my pep talk. Then I went on Facebook and saw this…

Are you kidding me!!!!! My new found positive attitude was decimated faster than my last attempt to go gluten free (which was embarrassingly fast) Damn her and her perfect arms and perfect husband! I can’t even use the excuse “well she doesn’t have kids” she has two, and they are relatively new and adorable..  I wish I could hate her. But, I can’t. She is really cool, and pretty, and a great employee and mom, and her husband is so good looking I told her she needs to warn people before they meet him. Oh, and did I mention she makes her own furniture … from scratch…with power tools.  So now I had a choice. Fall back onto the floor in the fetal position and hug my negativity and insecurities like a preschooler’s woobie, or accept where I am in life and keep moving forward. I hadn’t vacuumed, so I decided I would do the later.

Then my sister encouraged me to write more.  I had talked myself out of writing; again believing the negative.  “No one wants to read what you have to say, there are so many better writers than you, don’t write that, people will judge you” etc… etc… And I realized that is what I DON’T want my 50’s to be. I am ready to relax into the person I am and the person I am becoming. I am ready to believe in myself again and not worry about what everybody is thinking or saying about me. I am ready to accept where I am and move towards where I want to be. I am going to try to believe what I used to tell my clients..”accept your body in its natural size and shape and make it the healthiest temple you can” (It would help if a certain someone would stop posting pics of her perfect arms though!) So in honor of my new 50’s  attitude, I am taking my sister’s advice and I am going to get back to writing.  It is my intent to encourage you; I hope I do.  I will try to make you laugh; I hope I succeed. It is not my intent to offend you; but I may.  And now I am really going out of my comfort zone and asking you to vote for my blog as one of the top single mom blogs.  Just click on the link below.  You can vote everyday. Thanks! And now, if you’ll excuse me I have some scarf shopping to do.

<a target=”_blank” href=”http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-Single-Moms-2013?trk=t25_Top-25-Single-Moms-2013&#8243; title=”Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Moms – 2013 – Vote for me!”>


About splitpease

I am a mom of three teenage boys who used to be a teacher, who became a personal trainer, who had to sell my share of a personal training studio, who had to take a job running a swim and racquet club, who hopes to one day be able to do what I love and still keep a roof over my head.
This entry was posted in choosing to be happy, comments on life, divorce, family, happiness, Life's challenges, single parenting, Thankfulness, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to 50 Shades of Depressing…

  1. Nice job humorously hitting the nail on the head! Your writing makes me smile 🙂

  2. Grammom & Grampop says:

    I hope I voted for you. I meant to. You stopped writing just after I signed up and I thought I was missing you. Love your writing. And don’t forget–the Lord is helping you raise those boys. “I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me” Phil. 4:13. Just looked at a Dennis Swanberg DVD (Christian Commedian) and he was talking about the air conditioning or the fan on at night because his wife had just turned the big 50. He asked her how long this would last and she said she heard 4 years. His friend asked him how long he was going to be on the road travelling and he said”4 years “). I thought that was funny!.

    • splitpease says:

      That made me chuckle! Thanks for your encouragement! I love hearing about you all through Mel. You all are the perfect example of living a Godly life and reaping the benefits of raising a Godly family!!!

  3. Pam says:

    Keep writing! You have a great style, and you definitely make me laugh! “My bedside reading selection is less 50 Shades of Gray and more 50 Shades of How to Hide the Gray.” — classic line!!

  4. J. Tad Newberry says:

    (pardon my ignurnts…but where do we vote?) Good stuff, Soopease. Keep it up!

  5. Marty says:

    I know where you can get some great scarves 🙂 You are a wonderful, amazing person Suzi!

  6. Jacana says:

    I am also heading for my 50’s. Just gave myself the pep talk and I am now in the process of revaluating all I want my 50’s to be. I cannot believe I am this old.

  7. Donna says:

    Suzi! Keep up the good work! I didnt know you had gotten divorced, we havent talked in so long! So wish we could do lunch, one day! I am going through similar things, so nice to know we arent alone! XXOO

  8. Tattoomommie says:

    I love love love this! I sometimes struggle with creating my own happiness! I plan to bookmark this and re-read when I’m having those kind of days. Thank you for reminding me!

    • splitpease says:

      Thanks for reading. We all need the reminder, especially me! You might want to read How to be Happy in an Arcade, similar theme.It was written in March 2011 on the blog roll (obviously something I struggle with)

  9. Susan romans says:

    Your boys and anyone who has ever had the opportunity to call you friend are blessed. Keep writing!! Keep positive and keep moving forward because there is a lot of living to do!

  10. Dave Patchin says:

    You are funny! As a new 50 year old myself, I feel “some” of that pain though can’t quite own “the change” I think you mean! Fight that comparison itch…we end up comparing the best “public” self of others to our worst “inner” self and that always fails. But above all, please keep writing. You remind me, and I’m sure many others, that we can’t choose the hand we are dealt, but we can choose how we play it! Miss you!

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