So I have been bedridden with some mystery disease for the last 10 days. I am not going to lie, it has been a loooong and miserable 10 days. Thankfully through the miracle of pharmacology, I am finally feeling some relief from my symptoms. I have had a lot of time to think, and I think I may have come up with a major contribution to the medical community. I have seen a lot of doctors recently; all trying to figure out what I have and just how sick I really am. Some are better at it than others, so I have come up with a questionnaire to help them easily diagnose just how sick their patients are. See what you think…
1. Have you canceled your hair coloring appointment.? If yes, you are sick. More than three times? You may want to update your will.
2. Have you stopped posting on FB? If yes, check your pulse
3. Do you have the same bottle of red wine from three weeks ago on your kitchen counter? If yes, You are seriously ill.
4. Have you pumped gas in your 15 year old sleep pants? If yes, you may be beyond help. If it was in Pungo (it was) and was followed by a trip to Walmart ( I desperately needed the drugs) you are still considered normal.
5. Have you watched more than three episodes per day of the Kardashians? If yes, we will be scheduling your CAT scan immediately to have your head examined.
6. Did you download Taylor Swifts RED cd the second it was released even though you have only downloaded one Taylor Swift song in your life (MEAN if you were wondering)? If yes, your fever may be causing hallucinations.(No offense to Taylor Swift fans)
7. Are you able to turn the channel as soon as a political ad comes on? If no, pray for a miracle cure; no one should have to endure that kind of torture.
My work here is done. The Kardasians are on and I need to see if Kris really meets with her ex boyfriend. Not to mention, I need to reschedule my hair coloring appointment and wash my sleep pants.