Tell Her That I Miss Our Little Talks

I went to Panera today after your funeral. It seemed like the right place to go. That was the plan; how we ended our last conversation…”Let’s get together for lunch and catch up.” So I did. I should have done it sooner. I know I am not alone in my regrets. I am not alone in my questions. And, I am certainly not alone in my incredibly deep sadness. Did I ever tell you you had the most stunning green eyes? They will not shed another tear; what a beautiful thought. Those eyes will live on in Jewel’s. I saw that today in the pictures at your service. You know, I don’t think I ever told you how I admired the way you spoke to Jackson, even as toddler. Your manner was so calm and tender. You were always teaching him to have empathy and compassion for others. I saw that today in the card he wrote for his dad. He is so wise and sensitive beyond his years, as you were. I’m sorry I didn’t get to know Jameson. But, today as I watched him help carry out your casket, I saw he is as brave as you were. You had to have been braver than any of us knew. Melissa, I don’t think I ever told you how your love for Steve made me a little jealous. You two were there for me as my own marriage ended, and I grieved that I would never have what you two had. I witnessed his grief today. I can only imagine how desperately he will miss your little talks and 1000 other things about you. Your beautiful and perfect smile, despite your pain, was always so welcoming and encouraging. To borrow a friend’s words, Melissa, you always showed up. Because of that, hundreds of us will miss our little talks. I only wish we had had one more.

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About splitpease

I am a mom of three teenage boys who used to be a teacher, who became a personal trainer, who had to sell my share of a personal training studio, who had to take a job running a swim and racquet club, who hopes to one day be able to do what I love and still keep a roof over my head.
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One Response to Tell Her That I Miss Our Little Talks

  1. Sharon Oltmans says:

    This was beautifully written. Oh how many times and regrets about things once they have gone to heaven. It should be a lesson for us all but seems to always fall short. Melissa knew you were at the table and it was a brave act.

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