I know I said I wouldn’t write about my kids, but lately I am questioning if the questions they have been asking me are normal. I just need some objective opinions before I make that therapy appointment. I was pretty good with their questions up until about 6th grade, then they lost me. “Where do babies come from ?” is nothing compared to what I have been asked in the last few days. Here is a sample of some of their recent questions….to protect their future ability to get a job, they shall remain nameless.
1. Can I make a Molotov cocktail with that?
2. What metal are Wolverine’s claws made out of?
3. Is there a pill I can take to get ripped that won’t shrink my wiener?
4. You know that book, “The Most Dangerous Game”? Can I do that with old people?
5. I learned how to make Napalm. Can I try it?
6. Can I jump from the roof to the trampoline?
7. Can I go base jumping?
8. How do you spell Sodom and Gomorrah?
9. Can you order a claymore sword online?
10. Where is the remote?
I am afraid I already know the answer to the question, “Is this normal?” Number 10 keeps them in the normal range. Number 6 is probably pretty normal for some risk taking teenage boys. But I will be honest, the rest of the questions make me wonder; Where did I go wrong? I used to be so thankful that I was raising boys and not girls. But lately I have been craving some girl questions. Maybe something like, “Hey Mom, you want to get a pedicure?” or, “How about we go see Dear John and talk over a latte?” At this point I would even welcome an emotional break down over a bad hair day or not having anything to wear!! Oh well, since that is never going to happen, I guess I will just have to keep finding new ways to answer “NO!” to all their questions .
two minutes after I finished my last blog entry…
11. Mom, do you think this is going to hurt? (as he is pointing a dart gun at me without the soft suction cup on the end) HELP ME!