Neat Freak

I used to wish I had OCD.  I have never been able to keep a spotless house.  I mean, I don’t think it has ever been bad enough for social services to come take my kids, or to end up on an Oprah show about hoarders.  I have had days where I whispered a prayer as I shut the door behind me. “Please God, don’t let me die today, I have rings in my toilet and 5 loads of laundry on my laundry room floor”  I really should have an emergency plan in  place….maybe one of those medical bracelets that says if I die, call Molly Maids immediately!  I guess i have always found better things to do than what was on my household to do list….Then I lost control.  You learn very quickly  living with an alcoholic  that control is an illusion.  Now I found myself in times of stress and chaos cleaning.  Even my kids noticed it. “Mom, seriously, why are you behind the refrigerator?”  You know what I remember about the “last straw” day?  Scrubbing baseboards, vacuuming air vents, and  washing mini blinds.  I had control over at least that.  I am no psychiatrist, but I have noticed a pattern in those of us who have been in situations that are  beyond our control.  We find things we can control like cleaning, or eating ,or our hair color.  Then I read  one of Tyler’s college essays and was quickly reminded…..do any of us really have any control?  Here is a portion of that essay:

I knew the man with the mole on his cheek from 3:00 p.m. to 4:47 p.m. One hour, forty-seven minutes. The time I spent with that man, a man I never spoke to, taught me more about myself than anyone else ever has.

In the moments leading up to his death God showed me something:

No one is ever in control. Ever.

Regardless of the plans we make, or the precautions we take; no matter how hard we try to control the niche we have painstakingly carved out for ourselves;

God is in control.

I still find myself cleaning when things get stressful or out of control.  But now,  thanks to Tyler, I am reminded of  who is ultimately in control.  Statistics show that children of alcoholics have higher rates of OCD….I am praying that the state of my boy’s room means that they will be just fine! (to clarify, that is not a picture from my boy’s room, though they have come close to that level of disarray)

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About splitpease

I am a mom of three teenage boys who used to be a teacher, who became a personal trainer, who had to sell my share of a personal training studio, who had to take a job running a swim and racquet club, who hopes to one day be able to do what I love and still keep a roof over my head.
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7 Responses to Neat Freak

  1. Rob says:

    See, all that training really paid off, not many women living in a hellish enviorment, would have been able to clean behind the fridge!
    Also, how did you get into my bedroom with out me know it???

    I know, it is the only way you would ever get there! When I am not home! LOL.

  2. Suzi, I have enjoyed reading your blogs. You have a gift for words and Tyler must have it too. How proud you must be of him. God will use you and your pain to bless others, maybe He already has.
    By the way Happy Birthday (late). How could I forget your birthday is the same day as my dad’s. Hope it was a good one.

  3. eddie says:

    that is really beautiful Suzi. I didn’t know you blogged, you have a way with words. Just remember that adversity and pain only make us stronger. I know i shouldn’t use the word beautiful, it makes me look soft.

  4. Jennifer Scovill says:

    What a gift to be able to put what many of us feel into words! I know God has used you to bless others already… I know I have told you before but your shared thoughts in college are still with me and have helped me grow in my faith…thanks Suz!

  5. Jeff says:

    That looks like my girl’s rooms whom I have affectionately named to their dislike, the three little pigs. 🙂

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